You know that husked-out feeling you get after you just spent an hour alternately weeping and damning God? Then you’re inside my head right now. I can’t wait until two weeks from now, when I can go back to being an emotionless drone on Tuesday and Wednesday nights – actually, on every night except Thursday, because that’s my salsa night, and I gotta bring the passion to the dance floor or I might as well not show up, right? I didn’t pay $34.95 for these Danskins just to waste my time.

Anyway, since the producers of this show have succeeded in manipulating my feelings to their every whim and fancy, I was an emotional wreck once again watching Wednesday night’s completely-predictable-but-nonetheless-devastating results show. Casey James, my favorite hot blonde piece of ass in prime time, was sent back to Cool, Texas, leaving Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox to duke it out in next week’s finale. Casey, I will miss you from the depths of my loins. I’ll leave it up to all the other bitter entertainment blog writers to piss and moan about how this Top Two has been foreseeable since the Top 24, and how the judges have influenced the vote to end up just this way, and all that. At this point, I’m so happy for these people that I’m just not that concerned.

Other highlights from Wednesday’s results show:

- Each of the Top Three contestants returned to their hometowns last Friday, and it was just as gut-wrenching as I thought it would be. In Texas, Casey greeted throngs, hordes, armies of hysterical bitches trying to capture his sweat in vials and snatch out locks of his hair and made a special visit to the hospital in Fort Worth to thank the doctors and nurses who saved his life after the accident he had few years back. In Elliston, Ohio (a scant hundred-and-fifty-or-so miles from where I now sit), Crystal threw out the first pitch at a Toledo Mud Hens game, had a barbecue at her dad’s place, performed at “Bowerstock,” and made me cry on results night for the second time in two weeks. Lee visited the paint store he worked at pre-Idol, threw out the first pitch at a Cubs game, and did a lot of crying, which made me feel sad that I’ve been so mean to him. “This is the best day of my life,” Lee told his hometown fans, and cried during his performance of “The Boxer.” The one thing that I do love about this Top Three – and indeed, this whole Top 12 – is that it’s been so hard to really hate anyone. They’ve seemed like relatively normal people with regular-sized egos who are all pretty blown away by the gravity of this – no divas, no prima donnas, just people who never thought in a million years they’d be performing at their dirtbaggy hometown fairgrounds to a screaming crowd, let alone in front of millions on national television every week. God bless American Idol.

- Travis Darling – I mean, Garland – performed. Just as I was wondering whose singer-on-a-string he is, Ryan helpfully introduced Perez Hilton, who found this guy on YouTube or something. He wasn’t bad, if you like that sort of thing. And of course, Justin Bieber performed, while his back-up singers resisted with all their strength the urge to eat a gun brought on by backing up this punk. Also, this kid is so screwed when his voice changes.

- Season 10 audition dates have been announced! See americanidol.com for details.

One more week, guys! Who’s it going to be? And how long will the finale run over? Anybody want to place any wagers?