I guarantee that around the nation’s water coolers today when American Idol Wednesday comes up in conversation, no one’s going to mention Season 7’s David Archuleta’s performance of “Imagine” or Rihanna’s performance of the worst song ever written. In fact, I’d be surprised if anyone remembers that Season 8’s Adam Lambert is the guest celebrity mentor next week. This was a results show, all right – and what results they were!

Ryan alluded to the OMG –so-shocking results early in the broadcast, and I snorted, wondering, “How shocking can they really be? Tim’s been here for thirteen weeks – can there be anything more shocking?” Yes. Yes, there most certainly can be. After the show took its good sweet time getting there, causing both the contestants and the audience lasting cardiac damage, the Bottom Three were announced to be Andrew Garcia, Aaron Kelly, and…Mike Lynche?! I wasn’t immediately outraged, thinking that surely Mike would be sent back to safety, but Aaron Kelly turned out to be the lucky one. Andrew and Big Mike clutched each other on the stage and I began to brainstorm appropriately insensitive send-off jokes for Andrew. (“Bye, Andrew – you’re a ‘straight up’ loser”? Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll go with that.) I congratulated myself for being so damn funny as Ryan announced that the person with the lowest number of votes was (“My advice is to head ‘straight up’ to the unemployment office”? Damn, I’m funny)…Michael Lynche? Wait, what?

It’s not that I think Big Mike is the most talented contestant, or that he deserves to win it all. Believe me, I don’t think so; there are at least three people ahead of him in the arena of sheer talent alone. However, after my initial surprise wore off, I began to think: Big Mike’s gonna go home and freaking TIM and KATIE and ANDREW are still here? During his performance, I began to hope fervently that the judges would save him. It’s just not right that Big Mike should go and others stay, and while there are others more deserving of the save, I don’t think that they’ll ever need it before the Top Five. My personal prediction for the last few weeks, which I wasn’t planning to share, has been that the Top Five will be Crystal, Siobhan, Lee, Casey, and Mike, and I really expected things to follow that course naturally. The save was the only hope of restoring that natural order, because if Mike went, then who would replace him in the Top Five? For the love of God, could Tim really make it that far?

While Big Mike’s heartrending performance of “This Woman’s Work” was near-flawless and just as moving as the first time around, I don’t think it had anything to do with the judges’ decision. Which was TO SAVE HIM! I think that without the available technology to see into the future, this was the best decision the judges could have made. Yes, it’s possible that in weeks ahead, someone more deserving may have some disaster befall them, and we’ll all clutch our heads and wail, “Why, why, WHY did they have to waste the save on Big Mike?” You know what, though? I don’t think it’s going to happen. Two will go next week, and I’d be willing to bet that the eliminated will be from among Tim Urban, Aaron Kelly, Katie Stevens, and Andrew Garcia. Because that’s the way God wants it. Or, alternately, because this may just be the type of measure necessary to ensure that people realize who needs to stick around and who needs to head back to their parents’ trailer and huff glue until the tour rolls around this summer.