No one’s surprised at this week’s American Idol results, so there’s no sense in beating around the proverbial bush. In a predictable and anticlimactic finish to the results show, Paige Miles was sent back to the Sunshine State Wednesday night. Joining her in the Bottom Three were Katie Stevens and Tim Urban, who both belonged there. Good work, America! Vote smart! If I had to guess right now, I’d say that both of them are on their way out in the coming weeks, as well as Andrew Garcia. Of course, I find these to be emotionally acceptable contestants to lose, so maybe I’m just employing the wishful thinking of someone whose life is pathetic enough to be emotionally impacted by the goings-on of American Idol.

Now that I’m sufficiently depressed, here are the highlights of the results show:

- To top off this bizarre week of performances, the group number was “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” Yes, the Wham! song. And yes, the exclamation point is part of Wham!’s name. What were you saying about relevancy, Simon? I can’t quite recall.

- I’m officially jealous of the contestants for getting to do those Ford music videos. In all sincerity, how much fun would that kind of thing be for a bunch of regular people like the Top 11, or you and me? Yes, it is a little irritating to have Ford shoved down our throats at every available opportunity, but the whole ball of wax—fun stuff like the videos, performing in front of millions weekly, professional hair and make-up, giving Ryan Seacrest piggyback rides—must be a real blast for these contestants.

- Siobhan’s boss—the glassblower she’s apprenticed to—was in the audience tonight and has pledged not to shave until Siobhan goes home or wins. The guy looks like a Sasquatch already, and somehow I’m not the least bit surprised that these are the people with whom Siobhan associates.

- Idol Gives Back, the two-hour fundraising event that benefits the Idol Gives Back Foundation, is April 21st. For more information about Idol Gives Back, visit http://www.americanidol.com/idolgivesback or http://www.idolgivesback.org. (I’m a sucker for charities, okay?)

- Hopefully, a week will be long enough for the contestants’ hearing to return after they were deafened by the bloodcurdling screams of Joe Jonas’ and Demi Lovato’s apparently intensely devoted fans. Miley Cyrus, this week’s celebrity mentor, gave a pretty decent guest performance, but Miley, what’s with the head-banging? She’s probably never even seen Wayne’s World.

Next week’s theme is R & B Soul under the guidance of Usher. I think this is a category of great opportunity for all of the remaining contestants. Each one of them has the potential to choose and perform a great R & B song that will highlight their individual strengths, except Tim, who seems to suck at everything, God love him.

Ladies and gentlemen, your Top 10, who will be performing in the American Idols Live Tour 2010:

Siobhan Magnus
Didi Benami
Casey James
Katie Stevens
Andrew Garcia
Michael Lynche
Crystal Bowersox
Aaron Kelly
Tim Urban
Lee DeWyze

One of these will be your American Idol. Will it be your favorite? Who cares – it better be mine!