I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been off the American Idol scene for quite a few seasons – like, four, after Taylor Hicks’ lame win left a bad taste in my mouth. So imagine my surprise when I find tonight that the sadistic producers of American Idol have found an even more devious way of torturing the contestants during what must be agonizing elimination shows: SING FOR YOUR LIFE, BITCH!

Apparently, once the contestant receiving the lowest number of votes is revealed, that contestant must immediately perform before the judges, who then must decide if they want to use their one-time-only “Judges’ Save” for this contestant. If they don’t, as in the case of tonight, then that performance handily serves as a farewell performance. Way to economize.

Are you kidding me?

While I think I’m in favor of the “Judges’ Save” in principle, especially since it can only be used before the Top Five, this seems like a pretty torturous ordeal for the potentially eliminated contestant. Then I considered that they’re getting national exposure in front of an audience of millions and get to do wicked stuff like star in elaborate 2011 Ford Fiesta commercials and custom-design a 2011 Ford Fiesta, to be given away in a “You Could Win A 2011 Ford Fiesta” contest. That was the 2011 Ford Fiesta, in case you missed it. Anyway, I suppose a little primal Roman coliseum-style flair in the elimination process isn’t going to kill these kids.

So between performances from David Cook, Orianthi, and a very weird Ke$ha, the Bottom Three was revealed to be Paige Miles, Tim Urban, and Lacey Brown. Tim was soon sent back to safety, causing me to choke on my Fruit Roll-Up. I was so, so sure it’d be him this week. His minions of 13-year-old admirers probably formed a complex underground network to generate maximum votes for him, but they’re going to have to kick it into high gear if they want to keep him around much longer.

We were left with only Paige and Lacey, and the loser ended up being Lacey Brown, whose final performance of “The Story” wasn’t enough to convince the judges to use their precious means of sparing her. This final performance bit also serves as yet another way for the twisted SOBs at AI to play with our emotions – the contestant chooses which song to sing, so it’s naturally their best performance, and I found myself nearly verklempt while Lacey sang. Kudos for an especially gracious exit on Lacey’s part, too – she wasn’t outrageously upset, surprised, or bitter and spoke of nothing but good things to come.

One down, ten to go!